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What do we really know about Santa Clause? Here is a man that we trust to come into our homes once a year. He eats our food and knows what we are doing almost all the time. He knows how old we are. He knows how many children we have. He even knows when we are sleeping or awake and when we are bad or good. The question is, what do we really know about him? Here are a few facts about the jolly fat man in the bright red suit.

Santa Clause is one of the smartest living beings on the planet. His IQ is so high that it could not be tested. A brilliant man and yet he has had no formal education to speak of. In the last decade, Santa Clause has taken college courses on line and earned a double PhD. Before the internet, however, he could already speak almost every language fluently and he could read and write them as well. If you have a conversation with Santa, he will be able to tell, within five minutes or so, where you are from and where you have lived over your lifetime by picking out small fluctuations in your accent. These are little key tones that we pick up from listening and speaking in any particular dialect.

In the last few years, more and more people are making phone calls to Santa. If he is busy when you call and cannot get to a phone. (Santa is a busy man) Santa Calls you back as soon as he can. Santa has been married to the same girl for most of his life. The two met in a small berg near the North Pole When Santa was just a young man. Mrs. Clause, whose name is actually Jessica, although she prefers either Jess or Mrs. C, spotted Santa in the local five and dime and fell in love with him instantly. Until she met Santa, she did not believe in love at fist sight.

Santa is human but he is classified as an elf. He never knew his real parents. For whatever reason, he was left at the doorstep of a kindly old elfin woman who took him in and cared for him as if he were one of her own. He became “her son” and she named him Kris and legally gave him her last name, Kringle. Her other sons, who are much older than he, taught their new, adopted brother the family business and Kris thrived at it, adding a new creative element and introduced the elves to a wider variety of toys by developing his own. (Santa produced the first sled, called the Santa Swoosher) His innovative thinking helped make the workshop what it is today.

Santa was a good friend of Scientist, Albert Einstein. The two of them were inseparable for a time, complains Mrs. C. They would spend weeks in front of one chalkboard, eating close to nothing and drinking very little cocoa. She understood though and let him get away with it. She knew that, as smart as Santa is, he would need help in the astrophysics side of delivering the toys, since he has to jump in and out of dimensions. One would have to, I guess, to be able to deliver all those toys in a single night. NASA designer, John Edward Ellison received the first space shuttle designs for Christmas one year from Santa, who keeps a cache of toys in space so he does not have to continuously travel to the North Pole and back so often on Christmas Eve.

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